A Man and A Woman - U2

"I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman
No I could never take a chance
'Cause I could never understand
The mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman..."

Over the weekend, something significant happened besides me having my wise old tooth taken out.

N and me have been married for almost 2 years. If someone were to say to me that the first year or two were the "honeymoon" phase, I;d say it's pure horseshit. It wasnt the easiest thing to go through with, this crazy "little" thing called marriage. Sure, we've known and dated each other for 6 years. You would think in that span of 6 years you would have known every single minute detail about your partner. Truth is, it is only a drop in the ocean. You begin a new slate when you get married, because previously it was always a space of ONE and now it has become a space of ONE and the OTHER one. your privacy is breached, your are somewhat "forced" to be in each other's existence, even during those days when you just want to scream "CAN I JUST HAVE MY OWN BUBBLE??"

So it was as much of an adventure as well as it was a test. And also , knowing someone for so long makes you take some of the smallest things for granted. Someone told me once that when you are at your most comfortable is when shit happens , because you tend to let your guard down.because you tend to think "everything's gonna be alright". And that is what happened to me, to us this weekend. No, i stand corrected, it was happening all along, but I never choose to see it. I took the smallest things for granted, things that made her happy, things that doesnt always have to be in the "big picture". An when shit REALLY hits the fan, you go on thinking " My God, what an asshole i was all this while".

It's not easy. sometimes you think you're doing the right thing, but you;re not. sometimes you think you've let your ego back away but it hasnt. Sometimes you would think you've made the right choice but turns out to be one of the worst you've made in your entire life. But it remains a challenge I'm willing to face everday. I hurt N this weekend, it was ( to me) seemed like a small thing but as I've said before, never take the smallest things for granted. it is always the small ones that get away.

I'm no relationship expert. sure there'll be cynics out there who will think the institution of marriage is a farce. i am not of them. And as sappy as this my sound, I am a true believer and supporter of marriage that is in touch with the ground you step on, in touch with reality, not diabetic induced hallmark moments.

Go on, go love someone right now,

I will Survive - Gloria Gaynor/ Cake

Wait, more like, i HAVE survived!

wuhooo... yours truly is now blessed with 31 teeth. One less to worry above...

Thank you all for your support, esp. Kaiser, who gave a very good idea about the eye patch ( it helped. a lot!) . And not to forget my lovely N, who became my chaffeur for the day and moral supporter.

Amazingly enough, the whole process , from the injection of the anesthesia to the stitch up, took exactly one hour. Good Job Doc. Ben! and honestly, it wasnt as bad as i think it would be ( again, not seeing what tools the doc was using helped). Sure, there was a lot of grinding, the smell of bone being grinded off, a lot of yanking , that intense pressure....but it was all over before you know it.

I am also blessed with a swollen cheek. And am on a diet of antibiotics , painkillers & porridge.and more porridge....

Roadie, it certainly aint as bad as getting your ass reamed by a gorrilla, i would think! :P

Over and out.

Dark Side of The Moon - Pink Floyd

Sometimes people can just surprise you in many ways.

Teardrops - Massive Attack

OSAMA


*please excuse this writeup if it sounds like late night, post supper rambling. it is. and the fact that i really am not eloquent in reviewing films. may contain spoilers*

**actually, its not so much of a review. more like what went on in my head after watching it. post analysis you might say**

Since that every tom, chong, murugan & minah in the blogging world seems to be talking about the movie Closer , I thought I'll write about a different kind of movie. Whereas Closer brings complex modern relationships issues close to home, Osama, brings us to a totally different world of relationships, one that is more often not, brutal to its very core and physically and mentally torturous.

there is little or no soundtrack at all. the colors are muted, the cinematography stark, the plot execution blunt. heck, even the dialogue is sparse.There is no happy ending , not even a glimpse of hope and to some it may seem a tad too depressing. The lack of soundtrack forces us to focus our attention to the characters. Osama, played brilliantly by young Marina Golbahari ( considering she was working as a beggar before making this film, how's that for your acting portfolio??), is the central character who is somewhat forced againts her will by her mother and grandmother to disguise as a boy so that she(he?) can help the family by getting a job.

The first 10 minutes sets the tone of the story. Women in burqas marching the desolate streets of Kabul , demanding for equal rights. That is , before the Taliban gunmen come marching in their path and what follows is a harrowing account, a glimpse of what life was for women who dared to raise their voices in the Taliban regime. It is seriously fucked up and will probably add fuel to fire for the many Anti-Islam critics out there. But I dont blame them, not especially when you have the Taliban regime who seem bent on upholding God's laws under their own terms, their own interpretations.

Afghanistan is no longer headline news material these days. Any news avaialble are usually relegated to a small column, probably on Page 20 or so. America came, drove away the Taliban and left. Re-building of the society, only recently freed from a terror regime which had an iron grip, was slow, almost non existence. You might have seen cheerful news, shortly after the US troops were there, that would have mention that "the streets of Kabul are back to normal! Movies are being shown again, radios are playing music....". The reality is that, that's all there is to it. There is so much more at stake,mindsets , brainwashed from the Taliban era, needs to be changed because on a whole, women are still subject to certain elements of oppression ( there was an article about birth defects, common amongts Afghan children, due to internal marriages*). There is so much more to be done. and many people have forgotten about them.

Osama in the movie may not have much hope during the Taliban era. But Marina definitely has some future. She may or may not be acting anytime soon, but director Siddiq Barmak has given her an option, a choice , that there is something better out there for her people. And her story needs to be told.

Ok. ill stop rambling now. just go see this movie.

* i dont knowlah what the term is...marrying amongst close relatives...cousins, distance cousins etc2...

Hurt- Nine Inch Nails

Back from Muar and JB. No Singapore due to lack of time. Next time I'll look for your stuff, both Vlad and Roadie.

And I am back nursing a very sore wisdom teeth, compounded with body aches and a slight fever ( which, thankfully, not caused by dengue) Kaiser, if you are reading this, I am going to that dentist you recommended ( finally had the courage). This is only for a pre-surgery checkup, since I am not sure to what extent the damage of wisdom teeth is ( its growing horizontally at almost 90 Degree angle, I have the x-ray, it looks cool though...). I have heard horror stories from people undergoing wisdom teeth extraction surgery. Please God , give me strength to face this insurmountable fear of going under the knife, semi-awake, and having sharp tools cutting away at that delicate gum flesh....arghhhhhhh

Not to mention a hole in my (very small) wallet. These dentists sure make a lot of moolah!

Looks like if I am going to go through the surgery this weekend, I will be on baby food diet. Pureed carrots anyone?


Kaiser, please give me tips on post operation survival!

Reason for silence - delgados

I am out of the country at the moment and will be going home to N's grandfather's place south of Malaysia this weekend. And maybe Singapore too ( should we?should we?emm..tempting...)

Selamat Hari raya Eid Adha to all Muslims and have a good long weekend for the everyone else.

Be back next week for more stories.

Let Go - Frou Frou

Sometimes that's how I feel . Just me and N . just letting it go. just leaving everything behind.going away somewhere far, far away.
I have dreams of us being constantly on the road. constantly on the move. everyday a new perspective. a new challenge. Not that now it isnt but sometimes daily routine is just not very interesting.

It might come across as being selfish to some people. You know, people might say you cant just pack up and go? you have responsibilites, your parents, your siblings, your children ( and you MUST have them). you must save up for your future, for your retirement, your investments, your unit trust, your AFTERLIFE.

I mean, come on. there MUST be a way to attend to your responsibilites and enjoy what's left of your measly life. I just havent have a clue how.

Im ranting, I know. There are bigger problems right now in the world. And here I am , facing an inner jihad.

shit, i think i really need a new job. That or I must be thinking of the things i didnt or ought to do when i was younger.

Shit man...this really sounds like quater life crisis.


Oh by the way, I am having difficulties putting to words the images that I have in my head ( based on my last trip). Everything I write down sounds so flat even though in my head they sound funtasticly fabulous. it aint easy writing travelogues that are interesting to READ, as I am now finding out.

Song for a dead girl - Three fish

N request that we observe a minute of silence for her dead guppy, who unfortunately committed suicide this morning by jumping out of her bowl.

We could not determine its gender, but we would like to think of it as a girl, hence the post title.

Tell me the truth - Midnight Oil

Some of you may wonder what do I work as/where do I work.

Here's a clue or two:





sometimes I feel like I am on a spaceship heading into the unknown.

The job's dangerous as hell. But I love it. The adrenaline rush can sometimes be better than sex. har har har :P

This Devil's WorkDay - Modest Mouse

Last year, I was fighting for this mega project in a foreign country which initially we had thought we won but suddenly was slipping away from our hands. More importantly, this was a project for a country which I had a personal responsibility over it. Losing the project would reflect very badly on my track record and definitely decrease my chances of getting a good increment. So, it became a long, hard and dirty battle. Dirty tactics were used, manipulation tactics were used, all to make sure that the competitor would be wiped out from the picture. Ultimately, we won the project but not without any consequences.

My manager attributed the success to my hard work and clever strategy. I actually thought I was lucky: I had an inside man. No, make it an inside man AND an inside woman. Now, the lady, she was a friend first and client later, but she sort of helped put in a good word for us since she is one of the more influential key players in the project. But the man, now that's another story. This guy actually ASKED me what do I have in store for him if I want him to help my company out for the project. As much as I resent this sort of approach, I had to give in. So we struck a deal. And next week, that deal will be fulfilled. I will be personally flying in to this country and hand deliver the blood (oil?) money.

I love my job. But this is one of the aspects of my job that I am at battles with.

what would you do?

It's so Quiet - Bjork

My first post of 2005.

It was a relatively quiet new year, no fanfare, no partying, a lot of pondering into the future. moments of contemplation. thoughts and reflections regarding the ongoing tragedy.
dinner at a Turkish Restaurant. shisha-ing under ths stars. working on the house. decorating the house. buying mineral water for the helpless ones. buying fishes for the water pond so that the bloody aedes mosquitoes dont start popping babies in there. defending my faith in another forum. thinking whether or not I should do a job exodus.thinking of more books. thinking of more recipes to try. planning to travel to either morocco, turkey, chiengmai or cambodia, whichever is feasible. the need to add more plants in the bathroom. work, work, work.blogs to read. money to burn. money to find. the drudgery of routine and the eagerness to break its cycle. movies to watch. dvds to buy. relatives asking when's the baby coming. I'll tell you what's coming: 30 is coming. YPKMF.


so many things.

is time running out?

ps: The wandering eye is coming. soon.